I Am Declaring War on Junk!

junkAfter finally cleaning the garage I have decided to declare war on the junk and cobwebs but mostly junk.

I know many have tried and few have succeeded because we don’t call it junk. We call it memories or souvenir’s or stuff or shit – George Carlin said, “Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?” Well, whatever it is I am throwing it away. No you can’t have it. Friends don’t give friends junk.

Books from college. Back then there were 103 elements (I think – I never did understand that stuff.) and now there are like a 118 or more. Back then we had 9 planets. Somehow we lost 2. Latin? Do they even teach that anymore? When I took it, it was not a dead language. No, the books are worthless. Except for the Cliff notes . . . I might keep them – no, no – everything must go.

I have parts of things that don’t even exist or maybe or from flying space ships. Keys? I even have skeleton keys! What did they used to unlock? My safety deposit box? I have 1 sheep skin seat cover for a car I had in 2008. I have Styrofoam coolers that haven’t been used since we threw our last Solstice party in Santa Barbara in 1995. I’ll do the math . . . 18 years old!

I have a little Ferrari car with an E-Color (used to work there- gone now with most of the other dot coms) sticker on it left over from some marketing thing 12 years ago. Cables? I have Centronics scsi cables (if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you), parallel port printer cables, power cables that used to attach to something. I have a 7′ tall cabinet with the left-overs from 3 garage sales! I even have a box I haven’t opened in years that is actually labeled “junk”. How about a 13 year old push-me lawn mower? Yep. Seat cushions from long-gone patio chairs. Extra floor tiles from some house somewhere. And don’t get me started on all the paint, dried out spackle and brushes. I have a least 3 different kinds of beach chairs I guess from Santa Barbara. 23 wooden coat hangers from Ikea. A wooden post that used to hold up a tree. A big old steel thing. A brand new tire or at least it was in 2008. Another big old steel thing. Where did I get all this stuff?

It will be difficult I know. But in the end I know I will win this war. I found the ultimate junk cleaner-upper. I think I have hauling this around since I was in SF long ago. And after all, this is war!

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